Just the other day, I wrote about treating your boys as little people. A few days after, a video of a teen boy destroying his mum’s kitchen circulated across social media. A lot of the commenters were quick to curse the boy, drag him put all the blame on him.
I just knew there was more to the story. This is not me taking sides but the psychologist in me don’t gulp such stories down easily. Do well to look for the boy’s side of the story and you will understand the genesis of the altercation. The whole issue has a deep root in ABUSE. See ehn! I have always said this thing repeatedly: You cannot train your boys the way your parents raised you. NO WAY! That will be the mistake of the century. How can you even adopt that method? It is no longer valid! All those abuses and threat some children went through all in the name of training as a child cannot repeat itself in this age.
This is the 21st-century. Things are different now. Your children are more exposed to information than it was in the past. No one is saying don’t discipline. By all means, please do. It is highly important but you need to draw the line between being abusive and discipline. Discipline ought to come from a place of genuine love and care because you want them to be better. Not to hate or to spite them neither is it supposed to torture or coerce them.
Let me take you back a bit.
When I was much younger and growing up as a child/teen, I can recollect vividly children who at some point talk back at their parents. They were fed up and didn’t know any better approach. Some walked out on their parents! Some shouted back! Some stood their ground and looked straight to their parents’ eye to say ‘NO MORE!’. I know someone personally who snatched ‘omorogun‘ (A stirring stick) from the mum, flung it out of the window and ran off from home for days.
Children who are used to running off from home then were always called ‘Osanle’ meaning they ran off. As a result, some got initiated to drinking and smoking in the process of taking solace. Some children were raped and further abused. Some children turned out to be rebellious and didn’t care any more. Just imagine if all of these occurences happened some twenty years back, how would you think things would play out right now?
How can you as a parent still be making that same mistake in this time and age? How nah? There is a clear difference between abusing your boy and correcting him. You should draw the line.
Up till date, some children are not close to their parents because they were more of an abuser than a disciplinarian to them. They abused their children verbally, emotionally and physically.
Why would you insert pepper in your child’s privates or on his face a discipline?
Why would you use blade on his skin?
Why should you use broken plates to slice his hands?
Why should you slap or hit him in the public on something you can call him aside to rebuke him or correct him on?
Why would you wake him up in the middle of the night not to pray with him o but to punish him till daybreak?
Why should you call him unprintable names and taunt him with mistakes you said you have forgiven him of?
Why should you rain curses on him any time he’s wrong or does something bad?
There are so many whys on my mind.
I am trying to make this short and I wish parents are able to see and understand this. Don’t lay a foundation of resentment for your child. All your children are not and cannot be the same. Handle them on a case-by-case basis. It could even be the same method but different approach. Understand the boy for who he is. Employ different intervention skills to help him become better. Parenting is a lot of work and we must keep at it.
© Mrs Kush
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